I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
