My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
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