she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
