i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
