I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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