I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
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