I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Randomize
