Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
