She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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