she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
