for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
