I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Randomize
