Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
