I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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