Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
