his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
