What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
