so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
