pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Randomize
