Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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