my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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