i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
