if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
