just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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