All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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