I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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