Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
