You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
