update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
