Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Can I color on your dick again?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
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