the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
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