Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
