so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
