I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Randomize
