I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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