I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Randomize