Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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