He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
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