if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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