Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
