I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
