Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Randomize
