Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
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