i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
