i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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