i just had sex bonerless
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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