I could make wine with my vomit
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
