someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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