yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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