The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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