ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
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