Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
