i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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