We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize