im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
