a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
