We're like a lot better than the average bears
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
