he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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