Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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