Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
