This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
