I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
