its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
