Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
