It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
