Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
