i think i have two assholes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
