Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
