we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
