the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
