apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
