I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
