Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
